I believe everyone should be happy. But what i realised these past few months is you only need you to do that. I decide what makes me happy. Don’t let people bring you down. Don’t be a softy!

After i started blocking out the negative like caring what people think and say, life has been better. I don’t need people to dictate my every move.

So they don’t like the person I’m dating. I couldn’t care less. You people don’t know. You people don’t see how happy he makes me feel. All you do is judge. I find it kinda weird how the people closest to you don’t really understand and support you, but total strangers feel happy for you. But its fine. As long as I’m happy with my life then thats all that matters :D 

I’ve gotta make my own mistakes and live by them. I’m only gonna please myself. 
Right now, I’m living for me and nobody else.

p.s Fitri, don’t be a shofty :) if you don’t like it, do something about it!

College has been as hectic as ever and its still not finish yet. Im done with all my group assignments (thank god!). But still have two more assignments to go. Studio has been a killer lately, i’ve to redo sketches and drawings about 4times now. Honestly, its been really hard. But its been worthwhile cause i have you behind me.

I’m really thankful I have you in my life lately. You’ve made my life so much more happier and so much more simpler since you’ve been around. You do the amazing things for me in the most smallest way. I still cant believe you’ve waited 8hours for me to finish my assignment. I only remember leaving college at 12.30am.

In return i just wanna see you happy. And thats what i intend to do for you. Make you happy. Just like how I’m perfectly happy being with you, no strings attached. I’ve noticed i’ve been more relaxed in this relationship, if he wants to do something I wont object. Its what he wants to do and i trust his judgment more than mine. He knows whats best for him and I love the fact that he knows what he wants and he’s determined to get it. He’s driven and mature for his age. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted. 

He’s given me something I’ve been longing for for such a long time. Expectance, belonging and a future. I honestly see a future with him. But not only that but a damn happy future. I love his family, and i feel so happy that they adore me as well. I’m starting to feel what a mature relationship is really like. And I’m loving it.

I’ve learnt so much in the past two weeks about things I never really cared about. For instance, I know how to buy a car and i know a lot more in that department all because of one guy. I’ve also met so many new people because of him. I can see i’ve grown so much just being with him. I’m more confident and i’ve matured for the better.

For me the best part of this is the feeling and the chemistry. Everyone says you should find a guy who you can just talk and converse with. And that what i have. I love the fact that we can just sit at a mamak and spend rm2.80 (rm1.50 teh o’ ais & rm1.30 sirap ais) and talk until the sun goes down and never realise it. He says when he’s with me everything else doesn’t matter, just me & him.

This relationship seem different from the others, I feel genuinely happy & I know he does too.
I love being your girlfriend Muhd Faidi.

I don’t really understand what going on with me lately. Maybe just pre-pms going on, but lately i’ve just been feeling somewhat emotional. Well, what do you expect. When I finally feel good about myself, the whole world turns its back on me.

One emotion that been going through my head is I felt like I didn’t have a friend to fall back on. Felt like all my closest friends were either busy, didn’t really care, unhappy and or disappointed with me.

Do you know how that feels like to not have someone who you can talk things over with and make you feel better? Honestly, its a very shitty feeling. And the worst part is the person who should’ve been the person to talk to was the last person I wanted to talk to. Not because I didn’t wanna talk to him, its just he blames himself for what happened.

Yea, but that drama is somewhat over.

Next, I’ve been reading this book called Tuesdays With Morrie. Its about a lecturer & one of his old student that come back to see and listen to his lecturer about the greatest lesson. life. Actually, the book is mainly bout death. And this book has kinda got me thinking bout death.

Well actually, thinking bout my cousin. He passed away about 2years ago. I can still remember when my mum call me and my sister up to give us the news. It didn’t really strike me hard at that moment, but the school day after that. I wept for him for the whole world to see. Honestly, Im not a crying type of person. But this was a blow to the heart.

Vague memories are all i have to remember you bye. 
You are still missed & i pray for you.

Suhaimi 27.03.08

I find myself happier than ever lately. So much more happier. Well, theres many reasons for my happiness. For one, college is going great. I feel like I’m actually learning something and understanding what I’m doing or gonna be doing. Second, I feel like I finally have a close girlfriend. Someone who I can actually talk to anything about & who understands me. Yay me! Honestly, its hard for me to bond with girls at a long term. I have close girlfriends, then after a while the relationship just fizzles out. I don’t know. I just cant handle the drama that girls bring. Maybe its just harder work with girls to maintain what we have. haha. Third and final, i’m starting a good romantic relationship!

Ok, so i’m mainly & mostly happy cause of the third part. But I’m a girl. We love falling in love.

He’s amazing in my eyes. In others, people just don’t see what I see. I know the saying goes, love is blind. But Im not blind, I see his flaws and I don’t mind them. So he does things, its not really a big deal. People do things! What matters is the way he treats me and the way we feel for one another. We both planned from the beginning of this relationship that we were gonna base it on trust, truth & communication. Three great things i think a relationship should have. And its going well. Like I’ve said, I’ve never been happier.

But I’m seeing happiness comes at a price. Some of my closes friends aren’t really excited for me. One is in it for my best interest. the other. I have no bloody idea why! She’s just being a total cibai bout it. For some apparent reason hates his guts! And is being a child about it. I mean, you already see us. Come and approach us to say hi. Your my friend, at least say hi to me and not him. It hurts. I mean if you have a problem with us, just say it. Cause if you don’t i will. And when i confront, I really confront.

The third is my bffe. Fitri c’mon. You haven’t even met him. I would honestly like it it you took the time to understand him & get to know him. Look, we already don’t have much time with each other due to different college schedules as it is. And i cant help that i see him mostly everyday cause we go to the same college. I mean, what can i do. That’s not my fault dear. I’m trying my hardest to have more time with you. And I know you very well. You just need time to adjust to this matter.

I honestly, do try my very best to make everyone happy. But during that process, I feel I hurt myself.

For once,

I wish you could just be happy that I’m happy.